It

Sigh.

There hasn't been much activity on the blogosphere lately, and even less on my blog. I was kind of really bummed out after Chris's last post for at least two years, maybe even more... he seems kind of unsure as to whether he'll continue blogging, at least in the same place. Which is a same, since reading his cool ideas and crazy plans and thoughts and feelings was pretty darn cool for me these past few years.

Part of it is that I haven't felt like writing anything... I haven't had anything to write about. And I still don't, this post is just... writing about how I don't have anything to write about.

I'm feeling really guilty about a few things... and really sad about a lot of others.

Which isn't really new. So.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. By "a lot," I mean more than the usual, which is sort of already a lot. That probably won't go down by the time school starts, which will mean even more things for me to worry about and stress about and be depressed about. Haha. Hooray!

College is just oodles of fun.

But seriously, I miss school. I miss having class and things to do to take my mind off of things. Sitting around doing nothing (basically) doesn't really help. And college makes me feel like I have friends. Friends who will be there every day, like it or not, and who won't be leaving in a month... or several months...

Blah.

Harry Potter the 6th was a lot funnier than I was expecting. So. That's good.

I've missed a few movies that I wanted to see lately. Finding people to go with is troublesome. And going to the movies alone just kind of seems sad to me. But I'll have to do it at some point, so... I might as well start now, right?

I haven't really talked to anybody lately. Maybe one or two conversations per day, which compared to me previously, is pretty low. I just don't have anything to say these days. Well, I do, but it's things that are probably better kept to myself and that nobody I can think of would really care about. Haha. So. There.

What else do I have to talk about?

Um.

...

Hold on.

...

Uh...

...

Nope, that's it.

What If... Google is evil?

I've decided to forgo infrequent long-form posts for more frequent short posts.

Here goes.

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What if Google is evil?

Their products are almost too perfect and detailed. You can use Google products to make websites for free, email, blogs, post videos, and now they have an Internet browser. They own YouTube and I wouldn't put it past them to make an offer on Facebook and Twitter. You can instantly share and edit documents with others online, make a calendar, obviously search the Internet... all of this for free! They live on through small web-based advertising and sponsored search results. And Google is a multi-billion dollar company with over 20,000 employees. Their list of acquisitions is over 50, and their list of products and services is at least twice that.

Holy crap.

Their unofficial motto, according to Wikipedia, is "Don't be evil." But what if that's just a ruse to throw the rest of the world off?

Somewhere deep in the bowels of Google, is there a clandestine meeting of international power-brokers that gathers to decide the fate of the world? Yes, there is.

Google decides the fate of the world! What if the next product they make is Google Home--with pictures of inside every house in the world?!?!

What if they follow their self-censorship move into China into North Korea? Google will be working with the evilest and least fashion-sensible man in the world!!!!

Eventually, Google would be the only ones controlling the information of the world, which isn't that far off from how things are anyway. Creepy.

Tune in next time for "What If..."!!!!

Against Happiness

I started reading a book today. It's called Against Happiness.

Now, that sounds depressing, but it's not really. The author, Eric G. Wilson, isn't a psychologist, but is instead a self-described "literary humanist"--that is, a thinker who is truly concerned with the future of our species.

So he doesn't think happiness is bad. He just thinks that the modern American belief that happiness is the ultimate goal for every person, and that it is fully attainable, and our use of technology and artificiality to obtain it, is deeply flawed and misguided. I have to say that I agree.

Problems can't really be fixed with laptops, iPods, cell phones, Ambien, Zoloft, Prozac, liposuction, and TV. The idea that we can be completely happy, and that these are the tools we use to get there, is baffling and dangerous.

As he puts it, melancholia is very different from depression. There are some people that do need medication and therapy for serious clinical depression. But being sad about the state of the world or your life is not in itself a bad thing.

In fact, it can be productive. For if we were never sad, there would never be a catalyst, a need for change.

Melancholy is, I would say, a major source of creative inspiration.

Without melancholy, most of the greatest artists would've just kept painting still lifes and portraits, writing joyous divertimentos, sculpting busts, and writing comedies.

There would be no beautiful tragedy like Romeo and Juliet; there would be no "Starry Night"; there would be no "Resting in the Peace of His Hands" (a sculpture); there would be no unbearably tragic and moving "Symphony of Sorrowful Songs"--there couldn't even be most of the songs on the radio. There would be no need for art other than for painting houses and elevator music.

I don't know about you, but I couldn't live without art. Therefore, how can we live without melancholy?

Normal

You know, I just realized that nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong with the world, or with me. Everything's normal.

But I have a really big problem with normal.

Normal isn't that great. In fact, normal really sucks most of the time.

So I guess that's my problem with life. It is how it's always been. And I don't like it. But it won't change.

I guess.

I'm so weird. I get torn between wanting desperately to talk to someone and, when someone is actually talking to me, acting like a jerk or something to make a point... or something like that. I don't really know.

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I guess it's a good thing I haven't had a girlfriend yet, because I haven't met any of the girls I've liked to date in a manner that would make a good romantic comedy.

WTF, self.

I'm up at 3:01 AM. I can't sleep. I've been trying for about an hour. Eventually I just gave up and came downstairs.

I tried everything, really. With music, without... different pillows, different sides... but nope.

So here I am. Writing without much of a point.

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Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I were a guest on the Colbert Report or the Daily Show in 15 or 20 years. I mean, if it's still around. Maybe a show like that. Somehow I don't think that they'd really have a musician on there, but... they had a poet on the Colbert Report the other day and they always have people who are selling books on those two shows. So maybe if I write a cool book about classical music (oxymoron? I don't think so, but you might), then I could get on one of those shows. If they're still around. Which they probably won't be.

But anyway, the reason I think about that is because most of the guests aren't as quick as the hosts. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert can fire the jokes and the funny questions out faster than a cow out of a catapult, but the guests generally don't know how to respond, or at least just aren't as funny. I think that I would be pretty funny if I were on one of those shows. ... Maybe. I doubt we'll ever know, but it's a fun thing to think about.

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To those of you who read this blog and don't comment: I'm not pressuring you to comment, don't worry, I'm just thanking you for your silent readership. Haha. It's good to know there are some people out there who care about the mostly meaningless ramblings contained in this blog. Or are just so bored that they can't find anything better to do.

Either way, thanks.

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I'm in a sort of general melancholy these days. For a variety of reasons that I'd rather not discuss openly on the internet. Sorry, it's Internet with a capital "I love the Internet."

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Sigh. 3:25 and no sign of being tired. Guess I'll have to find some things to do for... like, seven hours...

There's a Fire

I wrote this poem last night, at around 2 A.M. After I finished it, I wrote the second installment of my first letter to Melanie. I finished it today around 5 P.M. I still need to mail it, but... at least it's done.

Here's the poem. It's not very good, but... make of it what you can.

There's a Fire

There's a fire
The sun pierces lazily
the throbbing clouds
of springtime
held over these few weeks into June

There's a fire
The cars on the interstate
greedily reflect said sun
as they hurriedly pass me by
sounding of worry

There's a fire
The awkward glance I give
to the girl next to me
waiting to cross the street
that she doesn't return

There's a fire
The word I've read
twenty times over
captivated by
"uncompromising"

There's a fire
The moon as it rises
bigger than the stars
that I can't see past
the city lights

If I were...

If I were President, I'd make classical music mandatory.

Everybody would have to listen to it. We'd replace crappy elevator muzak with real classical music. Restaurants, from La Caille to McDonald's would be required to play everyone from Adams to Zwilich in the background.

There'd be at least twice as much money given to the NEA (the National Endowment for the Arts, stupid). Not just classical music, see, but everything. All of the arts. Those restaurants would also have sculptures and art hanging, supported with government money.

Sigh. Okay, so all of that probably wouldn't happen, but I'd definitely increase government support of the arts. Arts are fundamental to the survival of our country--if not the physical, then the economical and, more importantly, the spiritual.

I'm not saying that we should make classical music more popular than popular music--that's never going to happen. But it should be a viable alternative. Which it sort of is, but I do think there should be more government support of it. I don't think classical music will die. People are always predicting the death of classical music. They have been for more than 100 years. So I think we're fine (if by fine I mean continuously on the razor's edge. Which I do).

Sigh. If only.

Wait

I've been listening to NPR's radio quiz show, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!, for a few years now, I think. I think more people should listen to it. Not only is it one of the funniest shows ever, and probably the funniest one on radio, it's really smart, mostly improvised, which leads to some crazily funny moments, and it's a great source of world news. Even though it is primarily a comedy, it does still test the phone-in contestants' and the panelists' knowledge of the week's news. Peter Sagal is also a perfect host, and there are some very funny panelists.

I don't know, I just think it's a lot of fun. If you don't have a lot of news sources, it's a great place to start. They feature a lot of bizarre stories, and have a lot of celebrity guests, so ... it's just good, (mostly) clean fun.

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I kind of want a girlfriend. Haha. Much as I might say I don't want one.

Oh well. Maybe in a few years.

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Or not.

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I think I should make more lists. Not those moderately useful but boring and clichéd lists, like: "10 Favorite Foods"; "10 Favorite Colors"; or "10 Cities to Visit Before I Die." More interesting but utterly pointless lists, such as: "10 Things to Have in my Cellar in Case of Zombie Apocalypse"; "10 Pickup Lines to Never Ever Use"; "147 Phrases That Are Utterly Unacceptable in Everyday Conversation"; or "10 Most Wanted Delusions If/When I Become Schizophrenic."

Don't worry, I'm going to create all of the last four lists soon. Really.

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I'm such a slacker. And by extension, a loser.

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The end.

Playlist

Playlist (songs/composers I've been listening to lately--this idea stolen from Alex Ross, a fantastic music critic whose blog, The Rest Is Noise, and book of the same name, are uniformly fabulous):

1--"Hide and Seek," Imogen Heap
2--"How It Ends" and "Dearly Departed," DeVotchKa
3--"Dimmer," Bishop Allen
4--"Cliquot" and "Scenic World," Beirut
5--John Adams
6--"Bored to Hear Your Heart Still Breaks," Tullycraft
7--"Oh No" and "Like An Arrow," Lavender Diamond
8--"Everything In Its Right Place," Radiohead
9--Arvo Pärt

And now the why's:

1--This song's vocal harmonies are so rich. It also has a devastating feeling of nostalgia and just love.
2--DeVotchKa does sad so well... These songs are the epitome of the late-night sad song. And besides that, they're just great songs from a fabulous band.
3--Bishop Allen is just fun. Dimmer is ridiculously catchy.
4--Beirut has a great way of capturing the feeling of being in Eastern Europe with a bunch of white kids playing along with the local bands, and making it cool.
5--Mostly his concerto for (six-stringed) electric violin, entitled "The Dharma at Big Sur." Adams is usually known for his nervous energy or moderately tempoed unfolding patterns, but "Dharma" is an achingly beautifully slowly paced meditation, at least for the first movement. But I love all of Adams's music.
6--Tullycraft is just fun. They're the nerdiest band ever, but just tons o' fun. Just like my friends.
7--I first got into Lavender Diamond because the lead singer, Becky Stark, played/sung a character on The Decemberists' album "The Hazards of Love." She was Margaret, the innocent heroine, and I fell in love with her airy yet strong soprano, and LD's EP and full-length, "Imagine Our Love," definitely didn't disappoint. "Like An Arrow," surprisingly, has a lot of influence from minimalist music. I dig.
8--I like minimalist/ambient just as much as the next guy, and this song is pretty cool--probably my fave on that album, "Kid A," which is the only one I've listened to at any length. But honestly, I'm wondering if Radiohead is really as great as everyone thinks they are. At least, nothing I've heard so far is terribly world-throttling.
9--Sigh... Pärt... His music is just so calm, yet it's so sad... That's the kind of music I tend to go for, I guess. I'm definitely a sucker for sad music. I love it.

Anyway. That's that.